Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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