Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
