Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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