I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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