i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
