elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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