please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
