So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
