I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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