He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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