matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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