Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
