i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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