I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
