I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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