Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
