i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
