I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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