just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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