I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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