i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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