Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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