He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
