feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
