Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just had sex bonerless
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she told me i tasted like america
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
