Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i love accidental penises.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
