Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
