how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
