and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
