I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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