Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
