is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
