All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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