No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i think i just lost a toe
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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