Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
