My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
