she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
