I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
