If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
