She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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