Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
