She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
