Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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