I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
