I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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