Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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