Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
