I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
