I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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