woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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